Consider the classic Disney film Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs. More specifically the villain of the piece, the Queen. This Queen had in her possession a magical mirror which for a while told her that she was a pretty decent looking bird, music to her ears as you can imagine. Now lets jump back in to reality and look at a real life version of this. I am of course talking about none other than egocentric and self confessed 'beauty' Samantha Brick. Real life doesn't provide us with magical talking mirrors to tell us that we are the fairest in the land, it provides us with Gok Wan... but annoying cretins aside it provides us with regular mirrors that give us a reflection, a mute reflection at that. But when Brick looks in the mirror her reflection somehow tells her that she is so attractive that the whole female race resents her. The whole female race, which by definition could include Queen Elizabeth II, Myra Hindley, Joan of Arc and Tian Tian the female Panda at Edinburgh Zoo who refused to mate this week probably as she just feels too damn ugly and has such low self esteem because of Samantha Brick.
If you're not clued up on what I'm talking about read this.. Samantha Brick Explains How To Act Like A Cunt.
Prize Cunt of the Week
This article isn't going to verbally abuse Brick, for that I recommend you search on twitter where you can find comments like this
"Samantha brick is an ugly ugly mother fucking cunt and no that is not jealousy you munter. Someone needs to twat a brick off her head jesus" @tashaXchristie
or
"my pal on samantha brick - what a cunt. bet she fantasises about herself when she has a wank.' @CrookedCarla
and
"Samantha Brick... Would you kindly fuck off you deluded munter" @AlexZanderrrrr
What i want to look at is the thought that there are other people just like Brick out there. They think the same as Brick but are 'clever' enough not to write about it in The Mail. There's an army of secret Bricks out there, building secret Brick clubs made from brick..
In a world where praise is hard to come by, why not tell the world that the only reason that people hate you is because they're jealous?... Why not? Mostly because its fucking delusional. Given, if someone is better than me academically, financially, aesthetically there is a bit of resentment at first [Read: Before I Knew You I Hated You ] but then their personality kicks in and a reasonable judgement of them is made.
Attention seeking is what it is, a great example of people trying to gain attention and show off their Brick like credentials is when they take several(thousand) photos of themselves. Welcome to 2012 where the human race has seemingly de-evolved to a point where a portion us of decide to stay in, in front of the webcam and take photos of ourselves in black white and upload copious amounts of these photos with captions like "???" and "not sure about this one?" or "new hair" "new hair 1" "new hair 2". Im also not saying this is just females, its males as well.
Heres me with a fringe. Heres me looking to the right. Now I'm looking the other way. Heres me with a fringe again.
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Now of course i can't get into these peoples heads, and i'm quite glad i can't, but i'm going to make the assumption that half of the photos they take don't make it to the final press release(upload). But the good 25 photos are up and they can sit and wait for the plaudits to come in.. As they get older and people stop paying attention to them, it could be rightly assumed that they will turn to chat roulette in desperation and start wanking on their webcam to strangers with their mic turned off, crying to themselves "PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I'M BEAUTIFUL, IM BEAUTIFUL."...
Although i'm not quite yet subscribed to my Dad's (63) way of thinking "If its blue and its trousers i'll wear it" I still think that sitting alone at home dressing up to take photos of yourself on an evening is not an activity that anyone in the human race should partake in.. and maybe the boundaries are blurred between vanity and a need for acceptance but in both instances I can quite plainly say to these people that no one gives a shitting twating cunting bloody fuck.
Digressing
Finally i couldn't go without mentioning a new breed of person i've only recently noticed. The term Chino Wanker is now commonly excepted. You used to see Chino Wankers cutting about the town, or Topman, The Garage or The Stereophonics section at HMV. But since the summoning, and yes i say summoning (as in raised from hell) of 1 Direction, it appears to me that the solo Chino Wankers have formed none singing tribute 1D bands. Even my local young team have thrown away their trackies and now all don chinos... My new plan is to go in to H&M and line each pair of chinos with driver ants, and when the chinos are placed on a persons legs, their human flesh is stripped to the bone by the driver ants. If you're reading this and you wear chinos, in a group of people who also wear chinos, i want this to happen to you. I wish you had no legs.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT OR WHY I WRITE.
bye.
