THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB

I must be insane to write a post about my involvement with romance. This post will probably ruin any chance I ever could have had with a female. These words I am about to write down if read, will act as a metaphorical castration. If that is the case I suppose I'll have to only go for illiterate females, though I don't really want to have to move to Newcastle AYOH... I don't know why i decided to pick on newcastle. If theres one place a skinny white indie kid doesn't want to start a fight with...it's probably newcastle.

I've just finished my lunch. It was pretty decent I had a steak bake, a chicken sandwich from greggs, a pepsi(diet) and a nice case of OH WHY WONT SHE LOVE ME. For the brief 20 minutes it took me to "shove food in mouth" I came upon a vision, a beauty, the most amazing person I and I assume the world could have possibly ever seen.

What made her special? She was about "8 out of 10". My type, I( wont reveal "my type" I like to keep you guessing), she looked happy, dressed well, looked like the kind of girl I could take home to my mum and be like "Yeah look what I'm tapping Mum.". But the most important thing about this girl was this... and I stress this is the thing that seeled the deal... we made eye contact... From that point on I fell in love.

JUMPING THE GUN

Ok I'll admitt that i jumped the gun, false start, came too early, but thats all i needed for me to start planning our wedding. The sad thing is it's not just her this happens with, but its with a lot of females. My egerness to subscribe to a new romantic novel is the biggest contridiction i have to being a cynic. My main theories in life are cynical such as; All children under the age of 14 are cunts and kinder surprise doesn't really warrant the name "surprise" considering the toy is a piece of carsongenic crap kinder"oh that shit" would be a better name.

But beneath the visard of hating everyone and everything the world has to offer me, theres a part of me thats caring and I like to think there is a phrase common in all if not most males, it is the phrase "aww she's lovely". This event that happened at lunch is not a new thing it's been happening since I met my friend Testosterone and we started a very steep learning curve together. I think it won't stop either until that proud moment when facebook tells the world i'm in a relationship.

It's not a creepy thing to "fall in love" with starngers. It's like watching the lottery and dreaming of not having to work in your life, except here you look at someone attarctive and think "ah we will call our first son...". Maybe this egerness is holding me back from any form of romance, maybe I should play it cool not give a shit about the women, treat 'em mean keep em keep. Sadly I do not posess the level of "HAHA IM DICKHEAD CUNT" in which to do this.

So I leave you with Jerrys Final Thought, next time you make eye contact with an attarctive person over a greggs chicken sandwich, think to yourself... "are they thinking about marrying me???"

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.