It is currently 01:46am in the morning, I'm alone in my flat and all i can hear is the flat across from me having a party! HOORAY. I would go over and firmly ask them to fuck off and shut up and die but I'm only 1 man, of average height and weight, and i completely understand my limitations. So I've decided to moan about them on the Internet.. great plan Stew..
Maybe i should accept the fact they're young and want to get drunk and loud and have a good time. Maybe i should just accept the fact that the hall is a great communal place for drunk couples to argue then winch then argue then winch. Maybe i should realise i have been to a party before (I really have) and i have contributed to indeterminate shouting.. But then again it is two in the morning and i want them to die..
A back story on my neighbours.
The term "cunts" is thrown about a bit, but cunts is what they are. They are the kind of cunts who have massive holes in their ear lobes (i believe called plugs??????). It's something i will never understand, the human body provides us with plenty of holes, you are not a Swiss cheese, stop trying to be a Swiss cheese. They are also in a band! How could i forget about the band!? I've affectionately dubbed them SHITSTORM. They repetitively play in drop d while someone who sounds like they've had a troubled relationship with a stern father figure screams DIE!DIE!DIE! So i think that constitutes a band?
Anyway there's currently a steaming bird outside the party desperate for attention. It's a shame for her that no one seems to give a fuck about how craazy she is and nor will they when she posts her craazy drunken antics on Facebook tomorrow morning. Its a fact no one cares about what you post unless its about some shit that everyone like or something (apologies, too tired to think of something you kids like).
The girls gone inside now BUT THE PARTY CONTINUES! Maybe I'm just jealous? Tonight all I've done is check my change to see if i own a 2 pence piece from 1983, because i read somewhere they're worth £700...
NO I'M NOT JEALOUS I'M ANNOYED. The cunts, the shitting cunts are whooping and shouting and playing.. i think it's Tiao Cruz!? SHITTING TIAO CRUZ! Ironically? Most likely. Which makes me even more annoyed because that means they'll be laughing and having a good time and laughing and having a good time and laughing, and i have to listen to them!
I hope there's a power cut and the steaming girl falls through a glass table and dies and they're all done for culpable homicide...
No i don't... I need to remember, I'm easy going. I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going I am easy going.
If that did happen though the BBC news could interview me
BBC - "We're here with eye witness Mr Mclellan"
Me - "Yeah well i was just in my pants and then that girl died which was such a shame because she was soo craazy and steaming".
Anyway a few hours have passed and they've stopped. My flatmate has returned home dressed as a woman and is trying to sexually assault me. AHHH order has been restored..
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