LADS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN.

I apologise for the Cyndi Lauper referrence in the title.

"The term LAD is synonymous with the word cunt, and if you disagree it’s probably because you yourself are a massive LAD.” (Mclellan, 2012)

While I’ll agree that it takes all sorts to make a world, from the slow un-intrusive nature of a tortoise, to the busy mother bird flying home to feed her young, the old man who collects the paper every sunday morning from the local shop, a group of friends laughing on a train about a time when sarah said "blah blah blah”... theres a vast array of living creatures on this planet, each beautiful in their own unique way...

THAT CUNTS JIVING!

Three quotes from Truelad.com

"Out last night and a girl on my course (7/10) at uni (fresherLAD) walks up to me and whispers in my ear "ive never kissed a boy before". as i have a girlfriend, my reply was "wow, neither have i! we have something in common" and i walked away. FaithfulLAD"

"Girls Facebook status 8/10 'some little kid knocked on my window and when I went to the door he shouted from across the street GET YOUR BUM OUT! littleLADinthemakingLAD"

"Jeremey Clarkson = trueLAD"

I think you will all agree some first rate banter, bantz etc up there... 

My hatred for LADS is so great that i find it sensationally difficult to even string together one sentence on why it is that my blood boils when i view such LADish behaviour. So im going to do things a little bit different today, I'm going to tell you a story (names removed for protection) and hopefully it will show you why you shouldn’t buy into LAD culture.

A few years ago I attended a party (Im quite the socialite) and to be blunt, it. was. shit. The music wasn’t fantastic, Tio Cruz mostly if i remember. And people were sticking to their own social groups in a way that it made you feel like you were in a prision yard and speaking to anyone not in your 'gang' would result in death by judgemental staring. I was a few Tesco beer Speciale down, my recent horriffic haircut had, had a week to 'grow in' so i didnt look like Annie Lennox anymore and to add to that i had just got some fantastic new trainers. So i was feeling pretty confident about my chances of tricking a female into finding me interesting enough that the conversation could go beyond that fact i have a slight English twang to my accent. I didn’t have any chat up lines prepared (apart from one fantastic fact about Swans), I just hoped she really liked my new Nikes as much as i did, if not i’d have to resort to Plan B*. As usual it wasn’t going successfully, and my confidence in my trainers had dropped to an all time low, but worse was to come..

As i walked through to the kitchen that was maybe filled with 6 or 7 members of one gang I saw a girl standing by herself and i approached her. This seems a bit predatory, i assure you it wasn't or atleast wasnt intended to be. After a few awkward regulatory questions about Uni, where we lived and then my super fact about swans, it was assumed by me that we were getting on fantastically.. and it was after feeling that everything was going great that 3 LADS stumbled into the kitchen shouting and bawling and singing and saying STANDARD a lot. [Standard - A Standard phrase for Standard Morons] Then one by one these standard LADS each approached the girl i was talking to...

The first guy was about 5ft 10 in a striped Ralph Lauren t-shirt, he was brimming with confidence or as i like to say, he was a smug cunt and as he staggered towards the girl he said “See if I wasnae with my bird, you know? but im a faithfulLAD, but genuinely add me on facebook” to which the other two replied “standard chat from you, absolutely standard”.

The second guy approached her he must have only been about 16, I think he was someones brother, anyway he had so much lynx on that he smelled like a tweenagers birthday party.. He came up close to the girl and said “Ha mate you look fucking sensational, nah im only joking, see am just cheeky, but seriously i wid”

The final guy approached the girl (who was now almost on the verge of tears). He was pretty tall and and looked like the most drunk out of them all and he said the most horrifying thing of them all, its hard for me to even repeat it... “I LOVE JEREMEY CLARKSON, WHAT A FUCKING LAD”...

I'm so sorry to post two Clarkson pictures in one post, im so so sorry

They girl ran out crying, she ran out of the flat without saying goodbye to me, and tadgically... and... and tradigcally, she was hit by a bus taking LADS on holiday to Kos... LAD banter isn’t just banter, it kills. It killed the only woman I loved in 2010, there’s no room for it in our society. STOP IT NOW. Please join my campaign STOPLAD2012.

Thanks for listening

Plan B* Get drunk and hope something happens from there.